the emancipation of jeffrey

Sometimes you have to spend the night with your phone turned off alone in your room watching Mariah Carey videos.

Her early videos are super classy.  She wears black mini-dresses and big earrings with lots of curly brunette long island hair and pageant makeup.  This eventually gives way to much lighter and finer, chemically straightened hair and full cleavage with even shorter, brighter mini-dresses.  When she divorced Tommy Mottola, she progressively gained 40pounds and her videos became more and more surreal. 

In "Butterfly," Ms Carey is in a nightgown being held prisoner in a mansion.  All she wants is to be with her horse in the backyard that she raised from birth but, when she finally gets outside, she lets the horse go free to run with all the other horses.  She pricks her finger on some barb wire, her eyes go crazy, and she runs from the house into the woods like the wild woman locked in the attic in Jane Eyre.  Her nightgown is suddenly all ratty and her hair a mess, eyes red from sobbing!  In one moment, she's laughing and riding the horse bareback with the nightgown hiked up, then she's alone in a field of grass.

In "My All,"  Mariah has a PERFECT body in black and white, but for some reason her hair is all wet and she's singing inside a giant clamshell. 

"Honey" is where the crazy train really goes off the tracks.

Mariah is speaking spanish.  She is in the black mini-dress, but this time she's tied to a chair and being tortured by terrorists.  This is the first time she starts really showing off her money, as she attacks the terrorist with $800 spiked heels and then dives off a miami mansion rooftop into a pool where she emerges in a stunning gold james-bond bikini - only to immediately change into a spandex catsuit and dolce&gabbana boots so she can get on a jetski!  This is inter-cut with footage of Mariah dancing in a bikini top on a cruise ship with a bunch of black men in sailor hats.  Inexplicably, everything is alright at the end because she's on the beach covered in sand being carried away by shirtless male model with a puppy in tow.

When Mariah went crazy after 9/11, I sent her a letter telling her how special she was along with a book that my drama teacher in high school gave me called "If You're Afraid of the Dark, Remember the Night Rainbow."  I thought she'd like it.  7months later, I got an email addressed to "my darling lamb" from Mariah, thanking me.  That's my bitch.